Sunday, March 21, 2010

Time to be honest...

So I've decided today that I need to use this blog as a safe spot to shout, cry, scream and recover.

Hard day with the kids. We are all only human, right? But when it becomes your sole responsibility to be taking care of other human beings, (a almost 4 year old and just turned 2 year old, as well as a 29 year old kid ((the husband)), you feel as though a loud train wreck just happened inside your home without anywhere to escape or any help from the locals.

I feel so helpless when my son is so upset but he cannot yet talk to tell me what he needs. It tears my heart in two but I try so hard to keep things in perspective.

I cannot be ashamed to say, I feel guilty. And I need a break.

I'm hear to reassure myself that my thoughts are all mine and its my right to think them. If I'm scared, angry, overwhelmed, tired, blissful, shameful, exotic, quirky...I have every right to be that way.

By advice from my lovely sister, I'm going to actively try the mindless thinking. For without having that time to come back to the truth of things, the motivation to harmonize everything else will be twice as hard.


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